Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
