Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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