True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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