found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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