i'm signing you up for texting rehab
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
