We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
