2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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