so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
