planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
