It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
