The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
