I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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