New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize