i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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