Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
