Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize