So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
