she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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