either way he was missing a nipple.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
