Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
