I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
