I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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