Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
