no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
