Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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