I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize