I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
