Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
