Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
