just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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