And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
