so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
