u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
In America we eat man semen.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i now understand why vodka
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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