I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
