bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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