Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
