I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
