my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
