goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
