but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
