so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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