my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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