he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
