Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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