Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
