sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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