Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
