my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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