i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
