He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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