mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
