i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
