Acid is not a monday night drug
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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