I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
