im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
