Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize