High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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