Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
