When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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