Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
