I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
