Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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