So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
