Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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