You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
