I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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