Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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