Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
