question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
