is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
