my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
