I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
