There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
