Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
