btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize