You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
