he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
