I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize