How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
