Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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