That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
