i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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