I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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