I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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