Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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