The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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