Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
