please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
