they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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