My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
