Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
