I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
