Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
