he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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