Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

If you die in college, do you die in real life?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.

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(330): View more from Ohio

he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

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(316): View more from Kansas

i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

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(703): View more from Virginia

You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.

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(602): View more from Arizona

After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.

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(440): View more from Ohio

The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak

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