I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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