He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Everyone says I win the strip club
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
