spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Come on in and take your pants off
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