Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
