he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
