You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize