I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
