I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
