She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
