I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
