saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it because I queefed?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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