The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
