i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
