ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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