i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
