She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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