hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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