WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
