So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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