new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
