Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
