Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize