I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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