Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
