even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
