I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
