you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
